3 Things Children of Cancer Patients Are Tired of Hearing

When my dad was diagnosed with cancer a month before my freshman year at college, it came like a freight train to the gut. There is nothing more frightening, in my experience than watching your parents sit down on the couch, hands clutched together tightly, and begin to sob in earnest.

Somewhere in the emotional melee, they manage to tell you that they have some news, and if you're smart and have been paying attention, you know that whatever it is cannot possibly be good. They let the dreaded word fly and I immediately left the house to take the dog on a three-hour walk (or stumble, in my case) around the neighborhood.

Plain and simple, it sucks. It really, really sucks to watch the man who chased the monsters from under your bed be tackled and slowly devoured by a creature you never thought you'd have to see.

And ironically, as a Christian, what sometimes sucks, even more, is letting other people in. Everyone always has something to say, good or bad, and sometimes, as well-meaning as they are, people say exactly the wrong things. These are a handful.

1. "I know exactly how you must be feeling. My dog/cat/friend's uncle's cousin had cancer and it was just so hard for me to watch."

No. Don't you dare tell me you know what it's like. Especially not when your only experience is with someone you see once a year. A trusted friend once turned the tables on me while out to lunch after asking me about Dad, and I was left to comfort her while she cried over the loss of her dog.

And I get it, animals are family. But a dog is NOT the same thing as a dad. And don't try to tell me otherwise.

2. "Have you prayed about it?"

This is basically the Christian version of "Have you tried turning it on and off again?" Don't do it. It's insulting and rude, well-meaning as it may be. Of course I've prayed. You don't think I've watched my father suffer for three years and never once tried to petition the Almighty to have it all cease? The fact of the matter is that, yes, I have. For a long time, in fact.

And it's just. not. working.

3. "Just have faith."

This one is also quite rude and insensitive. If all it took was faith to make my dad well again, we'd have seen the end of this a long time ago. Yes, faith is part of the medicine. Faith in the doctors, faith in the drugs, faith in God at the end of it all. But a patient does not heal by faith alone. There's chemotherapy. There's radiation. Diet. Exercise. Surgery. All of which are excruciating to watch someone work through.

Cancer isn't an easy problem to solve. Please, please don't give me an easy solution.